I thought that might get your attention.
This post covers the Princess and her first ever guitar lesson and although there are many things that sounds very naughty and down right dirty in a first lesson, I assure you, there is nothing truly scandalous within this new musical adventure of mine.
I have no musical talent. Well, that’s not entirely true. I can rock the shower and the car concerts like a mother. I also collect musical instruments I can’t play, which must count for something. Among my collection is a lovely flamenco guitar. My guitar, who I have named Ramon, was plucked from a storage unit when a friend of mine decided to move to Germany. For over a decade now, this beautiful 3 stringed beast (no relation to my three-legged cats) sat virtually untouched (any similarity to the Princess is purely coincidental), its potential wasting away. I had long vowed to one day restring and learn to play and as it turns out, this past Tuesday was that day. After winning three lessons at the Silicon Valley Classical Guitar School while attending a South Bay Guitar Society Fundraiser in February, I quickly made use of my network of talented friends and discovered what type of stings I needed it and got it strung and tuned.
Now, the reality is, it’s quite likely I’m going to suck at guitar. Seriously. I’ve got small hands, bad posture, bad hearing, and I can get bored quite quickly. Given my current employment status, 3 lessons may be all I can commit to at first even if I took to it naturally, so this certainly doesn’t bode well for Clapton or Hendrix type success. Enter my skilled and jovial teacher, Rob Watson, who was ready for the challenge.
What I was not prepared for was how dirty everything seemed to sound. Rob had very fun and politically correct teaching terminology for certain things but, we had a good laugh over the sexual harassment case waiting to happen that apparently is guitar technique. A brief example of what I mean…
*One can’t just say SPREAD YOUR LEGS. One must devise a metaphor whereby your legs are a dinosaur nest and the guitar the dinosaur egg. You must have a bigger nest for your egg. Snicker.
*The middle finger is referred to as the m finger. Very polite. Very PC. Chortle.
*Although we haven’t gotten there yet, there is certainly fun to be had with the g-string. Giggle.
*Perhaps the most r-rated of the phrases uttered at lesson number one was simply the fact that we play with two fingers. There was a visual demonstration that was completely innocent. Sadly, my mind is not. What am I 15?! Keep it together Susannah, get your mind out of the gutter, for 30 minutes, would you. Snort.
*The situation was not helped when we got to the point where it was pointed out that I was tense. That I needed to relax. That I have a lot of tension in my hands. Well yes, yes I do. Trying to not laugh at every instruction my brain corrupted didn’t exactly helped my state either. Snigger.
*And, finally I appreciated the comment of “keep the guitar close to your sternum.” Very clinical, very medical, you can’t be too careful even with the word chest these days. Guffaw.
I certainly have my work cut out for me. So does Rob. Until next Tuesday then, where I’m sure more misplaced and immature interpretation will ensue.
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